The Jagermeister Music Tour Fall 2005

 

For the 2005 Fall tour jagermeister embarked on probably their most ambitious music tour to date - a four month juggernaut headlined by Disturbed with direct support provided by COC on the first leg and Blood Simple on the second. The tour would cover the entire US comprised of more than 60 dates with multiple nights in several cities. I once again served as the tour host onstage and worked as a member of the jagermeister production crew. Below are my online journal entries from the period covering the tour along with a number photos previously unpublished.

 

The First Leg: Nov-Dec 2005

 

2005/11/02 17:54 Preparation day. Tommorow I fly out, friday the tour begins.

 

2005/11/06 13:24 Currently in Kansas City with the day off after two sold out shows in Minneapolis. The crowds were insane and everything I could hope for to open a tour. I just hopes it stays this way for the next four months.   We hit the hard rock for lunch across the street from the venue and ran into some of guys from the Gwar tour.   As usual I need a shower.

 

	2005/11/07 14:02 Weaver (one of our crew) is passing kidney stones - on tour. And he has no health insurance.   If you would like a first hand account of what hell is like, ask me for his number.   2005/11/08 12:20 Weaver passed his stones, looks like he'll make it.   Good night in Kansas City last night.

 

2005/11/09 14:58 St louis was fun last night, the Pageant is always a nice venue for us. Its interesting to analyze the crowd reaction to me by the music. Disturbed's fan base seems just about perfect for this version of the acts. Of course, a real source of pride for me is that I can play to pretty much anybody - from kids at theme parks to hardcore Slayer fans, with the right adjustments. The Saliva and Hed(pe) crowds sometimes needed me to tone it down a bit whereas the Slipknot and Slayer fans took everything I had and demanded more. Thus far the Disturbed crowd seems to be a good fit with almost no tweaking. As always, it's all in the presentation.

Meghan is at her first day of work at the new job today. I'm at a Harrah's casino trying not to lose anymore money. I almost didn't even get the chance to lose money though. It happens all the time (except in Vegas) that someone on the casino staff decides my facial tattoos constitute a mask and I can't be on the floor. This despite the fact that the law / regualtion is to prevent people from concealing identity and my tattoos only make me more identifable. It all worked out though and minutes later I was being schmoozed by a former circus fan while the dealer dealt me the worst six hands of three card poker ever.

 

2005/11/11 14:34 I escaped the casino down a little but relatively unscathed. Plus I got a dinner buyout last night and another coming tonight.   Last night at Bogarts was boob night apparently. Cincinatti girls seem to like to show what they got at shows. I'm not one to complain but there is a doctor around here who owes some people some refunds and a couple ladies that need to bring their flashing days to a close - just for the record. Everyone else, keep doing what you're doing!   I do love my job.

 

2005/11/12 14:07 Second night in Cincinatti was less of a boob-fest, actually nearly boob-less but still a killer response. I missed most of Disturbed's set but I heard that David went off on a guy in the front that flipped him off. I guess rock singers aren't as accustomed or adept at dealing with hecklers as freaks - heh.   We rolled on to Columbus this morning and will spend the next three days here. Today is off, then two in a row.

 

2005/11/13 11:10 Underage girls love The Lizardman - there's probably a better phrasing for that, huh?   Anyway, I was hanging out at the hotel bar last night and got mobbed by cheerleaders. There was a high school cheerleading competition or something going on in town. Lots of high pitched squeling and picture taking. It was actually pretty cool. Hopefully this is a good sign for the future that tattooed people will be more appreciated.

 

2005/11/15 12:33 Good times in Colombus - even with the exhaustion hangover I had the entire second day. Sitting in Cleveland now, probably gonna hang out with Chimaira.

 

2005/11/18 13:37 So, last night kicked ass.   As a result of being down a band I was asked to perform instead of just host the show. It's hard to explain if you don't have any experience with performing the huge difference between being a host or emcee and actually doing a set. Additionally, I was doing a set for a crowd that did not know I would be there or if they did simply expected me to say a few words maybe do a quick stunt and then get offstage for a band to start playing. The result being I walked into a loaded situation when I took the stage for a 30 minute set. Fortunately though I went over huge. I even had the crew laughing and enjoying themselves and they had already seen much of the material broken up as intros.   The whole night gave me a great feeling of accomplishment. I love stand up and many stand ups have said that they hate and or fear going out with rock acts because its so damn hard. Every night on tour I conquer the fears of those whose careers I aspire to reach. Last night I went a step further and only came out better for it.

 

2005/11/20 12:56 Yesterday I spent our anniversary in Detroit - at least it was a day off so I could call Meghan without worrying about having other things to do.   The last day in Cleveland was another good show. I did another extended bit (20 minutes) before Disturbed. It might get repetitive hearing it here but going out and doing this for four months with this kind of response is nothing but exciting.

 

2005/11/22 14:33 The show last night was good but the best thing about playing Detroit is that we are not at Harpo's this time around. Seriously, there is a lot to be said for not playing at a venue that smells like a sewer and needs gang protection for load in/out. Doing multiple nights is also a nice change of pace since we just basically walk out at the end of the night and can come in later on the next day as opposed to packing everything up and hauling ass.   Tonight could get hectic though, we have to head to Chicago and get there in time for me to do a radio spot at 8:30am. Fun, fun, fun. The rest of the day is off though before a three day run at the Chicago House of Blues.

 

2005/11/23 11:41 We managed to get to the radio station this morning - early, in fact. I had heard some things about ManCow that weren't great but he was fantastic to us. Really, I can't say a bad thing about him and the show. I have done plenty of radio and I only wish they went this well.   Added bonus: one of the other people on today was DDP, Diamond Dallas Page. A great guy and really cool to hang out with. He just put out a new book YRG Yoga for Regular Guys. I may pick it up. He is pushing a few months from 50 and looks as good if not better from it now than he did when he was in the ring and his flexibility is incredible.

 

2005/11/25 13:50 Good show despite some hiccups last night. Last minute we were informed of a curfew and had to bump up the entire schedule by 30 minutes. This meant I went from having 33 minutes to having 3 minutes before opening the show.   Scott went home for Thanksgiving, so Mossy (our new guy) stood in for him helping me out. I only ended up doing a few stunts anyway due to things running late and then getting pushed up. It was a crunch throughout but the crowd was good.   The house of blues set up a special dinner for us all - of course, almost none of it was part of my diet so I had apple pie a la mode. I was still quite pleased. Today the jager crew is heading to Ruth's Chris for a day late dinner on the company, I'll be having fries and onion rings but the boys will all be loving their steaks.   Two more days in Chicago.

 

2005/11/27 19:35 Good night in Chicago. Too good to remember apparently. After the foundation room at the house of blues we hit some other bar and things get hazy from there on.   Chicago was fun but now we get two days off which is always nice.

 

2005/11/30 15:11 Had a great response in Grand Rapids last night, tonight we try to do it again. Partied pretty well after the show with band and crew members at a nearby bar. Life is pretty good.

 

2005/12/03 16:05 Freezing my sack off in Boston but having a good time.   Dope cancelled out last night but the radio DJ still called out their name when we let her get onstage to plug her show. Seriously, if its your job can't you at least be bothered to get the bill right?   Oh well, I guess its just freaks like me that care about announcing the right names.

 

2005/12/04 14:20 Still in Boston, we will drive up to Portland tommorow morning. Show last night was good, its almost a given that they will be but I don't want to take it for granted by not mentioning it. I can tell we have moved east. The crowds show up later and take awhile to come alive. I really don't think of one area as better than another to perform in but I can say that Boston, NY, & NJ make you earn their applause and shouts. If you just walk out and say 'scream' a good portion are going to ignore you. That said, I went out, I performed, and I earned my laughs, groans, and screams.   Touring is a weird kind of isolation from the rest of the world. I think I'll do my online holiday shopping today.

 

2005/12/04 20:09 Two entries in one day - while on tour nonetheless!!!   Wait, don't get excited - I don't know how much actual information or entertainment I will be able to provide here.   I did do my amazon shopping and I went to a borders and got something else I was looking for as a gift for someone. I also bought toothpaste and a pair of tweezers for myself because I needed both. My shopping is done except for one person and I am waiting to get on ideas which should come within a day or so.   My parents are coming to see me in Portland tommorow and Tuesday. I don't know if they are going to come watch the show or just visit. Either way, I am long overdue for seeing them. I had some good thoughts on crowd psychology and the weird nature of celebrity in the shower earlier - I write a lot in the shower. Unfortunately my trip to the mall across the street seems to have destroyed that part of my brain for the moment. Essentially I was musing about people who sudden;y find you interesting only because you were on tv and they don't even care about why you were on, just that at some time your image was on the flickering box they pray to and eat in front of every night.   As a fine upstanding young lady of about thirteen years old (who probably now has three kids and a drinking problem) once said to me in Sioux Falls: "You're that motherfucker from TV and shit, ain't ya?"

 

2005/12/05 22:00 I am trapped in a bit by Henry Rollins and a comedian whose name I cannot remember. The essential part of which is how one asshole can ruin your day if you let them and the spiral of hopelesness that happens when you try and fight your way out.   My day began with someone being incompetent, but I saw it coming and would have been fine except that they went on to be disrespectful and basically a cunt about being incompetent. That pushed me down the stairs in a metaphorical way.   My mood was not improved when I found out at the last minute that I was in a control state which means no booze on stage and changes up part of my acts. Being a good tour shill, I promote the hell out jager using it to good effect onstage.   Try as I might to resist having a good night ruined the fire marshall showed up and began busting balls. He damn near stopped the show but we averted that by going out early and getting the fans to tear down the posters on the walls for us.   After the show I tried to do my regular hang out and meet the crowd but got an onslaught of overly medicated rabid punters. It was a great night to be onstage but meeting them as they left the whole crowd seemed to be violently tweaked out on meth.   I did get to see my parents tonight though and I get to spend the day with them tommorow. They are going to watch the show tommorow as well. I am happy enough for now, I just have to get through the night.

 

2005/12/07 12:37 Day off in Portland today. Yesterday was nice.   I had lunch with my parents at Olive Garden. There was very little to do around the venue thanks to control state laws and a hard ass fire marshall. The show was great and for the first time ever my parents saw me perform live. Of course, I believe the side effect of this was that in one short night I swore more in front of my mother than my entire life to date previously.

 

2005/12/08 13:29 Sitting on the bus outside the venue in NJ.   Yesterday was uneventful. I visited some bookstores and bought some gum - I am becoming addicted to gum. There was one noteworthy event in the evening. An older woman and her husband, well mostly just her, became fascinated with me and bought drinks for me, scott, and mossy. Apparently they were quite well off. The lady, Suzie, was wearing a 3 carat diamond in a setting with an additional 2 carats of diamonds around it. She also also 10 carats on each bracelet she was wearing. So, she more or less had half the price we paid for our house on her hands. They were fun to meet and free shots of Jameson 1780 with Guinness backs are always appreciated.   Satellite radio listeners be forewarned, I will be on Opie & Anthony Tuesday morning - completely uncensored.

 

2005/12/09 15:00 Once again sitting outside the venue in NJ on bus.   Touring (successfully) is a blend of routine and adaptation. You have to learn to do the same thing everyday and build a system that does that efficiently but can be adapted to the variances of each new stage, venue, crowd, etc. Real problems only tend to arise when outside forces (people who don't know or even worse think they know something about what you do) interfere with the routine. Its astounding that otherwise bright people cannot grasp the concept that we do this everday for months and we have it worked out, thus their one or two days of joining in per year really don't count for much - we do not need amateur opinions on fixing something that isn't broken.   We are traveling on a tour bus, granted with only five people currently but that doesn't mean we have much space. We especially do not have space to store large numbers of boxes of supplies. Yet, today we received and loaded around sixty good sized boxes of stuff for shows that are a week and more yet to come. No explanation has been or probably will be provided as to why it couldn't be shipped to the actual appropriate venue instaed of here in NJ or why it couldn't simply be brought by the people who shipped since they will be at those shows.   We are the grunts and HQ is not getting or reading our reports from the front.

 

2005/12/10 18:24 On the bus behind the showboat hotel/casino/house of blues in Atlantic City.   We play the house of blues tommorow, tonight is Phil Lesh. I am guessing at the spelling of his name, my understanding is that he was part of the grateful dead. I don't particularly care but the result is that the wait for a table at the restaraunt is almost an hour and the lobby are looks like a hippie jam fest. I want to go put Slayer on high volume over the PA. I ended up getting some Auntie Anne's pretzel sticks. Damn I love pretzels.   Weaver has hooked up the foundation room for us tonight, always nice.   It is incredibly windy outside.

 

2005/12/11 14:00 The load in / backstage for this house of blues (Atlantic City) is insane - its a long walking maze with two elevators. We have a late start due to their gospel brunch. Aargh.

 

2005/12/12 15:56 I'm at the hotel edison in NYC - trivia note: this is where Meghan and I stayed when we were on Maury. They seem to have rennovated, it feels nicer but that may have something to do with not being exhausted or shuffled over here from another overbooked hotel.   I rode up with our RV team (Marc & Tracie) so I could spend the night here and thus be rested for the Opie and Anthony show early in the AM tommorow. The early morning means I am not partying tonight, also I have had a scratchy throat so I want to go easy and avoid it getting worse. So, for my NYC friends I am not avoiding you tonight I am simply trying to live through morning radio and two shows at Nokia.

 

2005/12/12 20:23 Had a marvelous dinner at Connolly's paired with a couple pints of guinness - very nice. I am going to bed soon, mmmmmm.

 

2005/12/14 12:14 The bus actually came to the hotel yesterday briefly, so I threw all my stuff on it. Then I decided to go into the Opie & Anthony show again. Oh well, best laid plans of mice and lizards...   Speaking of O&A, I thought it went really well for me. They were fun, very receptive, and really hospitable. Also, I got to meet Patrice who is filling for Jim Norton - I'm a fan of his stand-up so it was a treat for me to trade jabs and jokes with him on the show. I pulled him around the studio in a rolling chair by my ears.   The show last night went very well. NYC crowds have a well deserved reputation for being tough but I felt like I killed and many people thanked me for my part in the show and said they were impressed by the crowd reaction to me. I'm pretty pleased.   The nokia venue is alright but it doesn't have any real vibe - as David (Disturbed) put it. It's so new that they are treating it with kid gloves and being anal about the show going off like the party it should be. There were some weird logistical turns duringthe course of the night but it all worked out alright.   Tonight we ride again!

 

2005/12/15 00:08 Rolling out of NYC on the bus currently. Typing on a moving bus on NYC streets is a bitch. I'm happy to be leaving Nokia behind. Aside from a very few notable staff exceptions the venue is pain in the ass. Simple math yields that the tour brought them aq nightly gross around or above a quarter million dollars with ticket and bar sales but still they had to be pains in the ass. The crowds were cool but I wish we had played elsewhere - this is not just me, many statement to the effect of never returning there were made by all levels of talent and management.   Tonight was Corrosion of Conformity's last night. We had some extra time after their set so I tried a new bit out for the time onstage - it bombed. I think I went for a little too much story-telling for a rock show, but I was able to get them back with our usual set. Once again after the show many people commented on how funny the show was and how much they enjoyyed it. I continue to be pleased and I think that with a little polish the new bit will work well in different settings.   I'm fairly exhausted right now since I partied last night at the Whiskey but still got for Opie and Anthony again this morning. This was the first time I have been in NY since Keith died, it felt really weird. I almost tried to call him a couple times before I realized what I was doing. I miss that motherfucker a lot, just thinking about him is a swift kick in the ass in the best possible way.

 

2005/12/16 11:45 We celebrated with a dinner at McCormick & Schmicks (sp?) but amidst the drinking and gorging I got a call from Jen telling me we had morning radio to do. That still didn't stop me from hitting a dive bar with Evil Jared after dinner but I stopped after that one and got some sleep.   Radio went really well - apparently, according to one caller, I made someone puke during their commute just from the description of the stunts I was doing in studio. I have powers.

 

2005/12/17 15:20 Last night's show was another winner. The new band for the rest of this leg of the tour (filling C.O.C's spot) is A Dozen Furies. They seem like fun guys.   We played a couple rounds of poker in catering during the show. I missed the last one because I was having a beer up in VIP - and watching three girls lick each others nipples.   Yep, it's a rough life.

 

2005/12/17 16:52 Another highlight from last night:   I cut myself with the drill and thus there was a good amount of blood along with snot on the condom after I did the first of the snorting routines. This was enough to cause multiple faints and some vomiting. One guy was literally carried out on a security guards shoulder like a sack of potatoes over the barricade. I talked with one of the house mangers today and he said the medical report from the show is almost entirely about me. So, I knocked some people out and made others puke but the rest of the crowd laughed and cheered their asses off.

 

2005/12/18 13:43 Second night in Philly went well. I don't know what it is about Philly but apparently I can't stay sober in that town. I had been 'drying out' a bit for the last week or two but both nights in philly I decided somewhere along the line to start throwing back beers. It wasn't a raging binge or anything but I did drink throughout the show and had a nice littel drunk going by bus call.   I mixed up the set list a bit, I think it went well and I can tweak it a bit more and make things even better over these last few shows. I am still contemplating changes for the second leg. Poker went pretty well for me last night too. I won the first of three hold'em tournaments throughout the night. Nothing better than taking your friends money - heh.

 

2005/12/21 12:59 The first night in DC was good but the second night was better. I love a crowd that simply wants to have a good time and be entertained. The second night crwod seemed to come in with a lot less attitude - excluding, of course, the guy who threw a sucker punch in the pit before A Dozen Furies. First time I ever got to call for security by name. It's nice to have Josh (iam: obmf) in front of the stage.   Sitting in Baltimore currently trying to keep focus on the fact that there is still a show to do tommorow before the power drive back on the bus to Dallas. I want to play with ferrets and curl up with my wife.

 

2005/12/22 22:28 I am on the bus and rolling. Everyone else is flying home but I am taking the ride back. It will get me to Dallas and then I have to catch a ride to Austin. I hate being up while the bus is rolling but I figure I will stay up now and sleep late tommorow so I am rested to get back tommorow night. If all goes well we will hit Dallas around 10pm.

 

2005/12/23 22:06 In Dallas, hanging at Obscurities waiting for Meghan to arrive. A short drive from here and I will be home for 12 days.

 

More photos from Leg 1

 

The Second Leg: Jan-Feb 2006

 

The first show of the second leg wasn't until the ninth but I caught a ride up to POrtland with the tour bus out of Dallas a few days before.

 

2006/01/03 12:44 Time to start preparing to return to the road. Have to go pick up a rental car to get back to the bus with tonight (though I don't leave tonight). I am thinking I will be bringing the gavage pump back out with me, I don't see it as an every night thing for the second leg but people asked about it so I will mix it in now and again. As much as I love the strong reactions (fainting , vomiting, etc) it just doesn't seem exactly right to me to do that to people who are waiting for the headlining band. You come to a sideshow and get knocked on your ass, hey you knew what you were getting into. You come to a rock tour and the MC takes you out - well, that might be a little more than what you signed on for when you bought your ticket.

 

2006/01/05 20:32 Sitting outside a Hampton Inn in Albuqurque. We'll be here for a few more hours till we roll on towards the ultimate goal of Portland for the show on the 9th.

 

2006/01/06 14:53 I should be more used to it by now but working on the bus is still weird sometimes. Maintaining is no problem, but getting side projects and other things done is just odd. Being the only person on right now is odd as well, but nice and peaceful too.

 

2006/01/06 20:44 Scenic Barstow - good subway sandwich for dinner, poor game shopping options. This is the sort of area that appears to go to sleep as the sun sets. Some places come alive as the sun goes down, this stop seems to be in an assisted living coma within moments of daylight fading. Larry the cable guy is earning my begrudging respect - anybody who does a bit about a reverend calling them a 'dickweed' can't be all bad.   Speaking of bits, something I started working on today - probably as a result of recently seeing The Ringer - is how preferable it would be to only have to deal with the mentally challenged. I say this because I have never dealt with a mentally challenged person who did not know they were special whereas every ignorant asshole I have to deal with never realizes they are ignorant or an asshole. I would far prefer to have to take the extra time and effort to work with someone who is legitmately challenged than put up with another ignorant asshole in denial.

 

2006/01/07 15:48 We're almost ready to stop for the day today, tommorow we should make Portland and the rest of the crew will rejoin the bus. I have been fairly productive with my time: read a couple books, made some notes, did some writing, etc. I hope to maintain some of this productivity once we start the tour up again.

 

2006/01/10 16:06 I have been checking my email and IAM via my phone but not getting a good chance to respond for the last couple days - now I have a bit of a backlog. Tommorow is an off day though so I should catch up then - I will also close the Q & A forum tommorow and write the column.   Our first night in Portland Weaver, Jimi, and myself partied like we were starting a whole new tour and had a nice little adventure. This resulted in some nice hangovers yesterday. Last night the show went well - it's like falling off a bike, heh. The crowd was really loud and responsive, a nice welcome back. After the show some of us went out and hit clubs, more idiocy prevailed but I came out of it without a hangover this time. Not everyone else was so lucky.

 

2006/01/11 18:46 The portland crowd in the roseland last night was FUCKING LOUD! Great response, got some laughs and had some more fainters, did gavage by request - be careful what you ask for from me. Heh. Afterwards we partied a bit at Union Jacks and then made our way to Sacramento where I am currently sitting on the bus outside the hotel.

 

2006/01/12 17:50 San Francisco has its good points but the warfield and tenderloin are not part of anything good. It is taking all of my good mood just to stay calm as we deal with being parked in the crackhead restroom - a guy pissed on the bus while it was moving (into the parking spot). And Dave Chappelle was right - you will never see crack smoked so casually as you do here. I feel like I could catch Hep just by looking out the window. Of course, the warfield and much of its staff feel they are somehow special and above the usual procedure of the tour. You know whats special - we bring in a quarter million dollars a night (often more) to your venue now shut the fuck up and let us do our job since that's what is making you money. Seriously, if someone was trying to do something that made you that kind of money wouldn't you at least try to be polite to them? I don't give a fuck about their history I could gladly go my whole life never coming back here again. Thankfully, the crowds are usually decent and no matter how much everything else sucks once the people start screaming and laughing its all ok.

 

2006/01/13 23:35 I'm still no fan of the warfield and tenderloin but the show did go well, I got my laughs, improvised a new joke I really like, and got lots of compliments. I also got my own dressing room (most venues don't enough for all the bands plus me).   We awoke today to discover that due to voice issues Disturbed has cancelled the next few shows - we are off till San Diego. Also, my phone is fucking up and I am not happy about it.

 

2006/01/14 17:17 I have had my treo 600 for two years (nearly to the day when it fucked) and I've always been happy with it. The problem that occurred was a weird hardware thing where it would work perfectly if connected to a charger but apart from a charger voice calls and web browsing would not work - text and pda functions were fine. I went to a sprint today in LA and they were great, I had to pay a $35 diagnostic but I ended up getting switched out to a completely new phone. Considering I do not have any insurance or replacement coverage on my phone I thought that was nice after two years. As great as that was I am even more happy with the palm desktop software that allowed me to lose absolutely no data in the changeover - one sync and I am good, it even set the new phone to my preferences for ringers and volumes. There is a good chance I will upgrade to a 700 when the palm version likely gets released later this year.   Last night we hit an italian place a couple blocks from the hotel - Maria's. I had a wonderful calzone and a very nice cheese appetizer. We don't have an official diagnosis on David's condition but the word is the doctor told him to rest his voice. We expect to be back on the schedule starting in San Diego - there are rumors of doing make up dates on the other shows but whether or not Jager does them or the band does them alone is yet to be determined, if they happen at all.   All this adds up to us having no shows to do till Wednesday.

 

2006/01/16 15:23 Yesterday could stand as a monument to self abuse.   We got up before check out in order to move to a new hotel on Sunset and let the bus go away for cleaning and to convert our bunk layout so that we get larger 'condo' bunks. After we dropped at the new hotel most of us were figuring on showers, and the like. Jimi had other plans. We all headed over to Saddle Ranch and began eating and drinking - mostly drinking. This is around noon. A couple of the guys from Blood Simple joined us and eventually we went to go see Russ Frank and his girl at Katana where much sake was downed. I also discovered I like eta mame (sp? - the salted soy beans). From there it was over to sky bar. After a few more drinks Weaaver and I hit the comedy store which held some very nice surprises. I got to see some really good comics and there was an unannounced set by Andrew Dice Clay. He went through an incredible set of new material and was hilarious. He wasn't really dirty anymore language wise but the material was strong and edgy, also he was doing marvelous stage work with his unlit cigarette. I don't know if he quit but he never actually smoked it just used it as a prop the sort of way Burns always used the cigar. Afterwards we caught up with him and some of the others. I went back to the hotel around midnight and proceeded to get a very restless night of sleep.

 

2006/01/17 17:33 Did very little yesterday and felt damn good about it.   Currently in San Diego, another day off then we play the House of Blues. Without the distractions of a show day it is much harder to ignore how much I miss Meghan and the weasels.

 

2006/01/19 15:26 I thought about listing what's wrong with the San Diego House of Blues as part of this entry but it turns out I don't have that kind of time. It would be easier to list what is actually good and right about it as a venue. The words 'next to nothing' come immediately to mind. Anyone with a modicum of common sense or even the briefest experience with touring could look at the place and start rattling off obvious issues but as is so often the case the biggest one is the staff. Actually, to be fair it is more the management since the average worker, bartender, etc was decent enough to deal with.   They have to be aware that there are numerous shortcomings like the lack of bathrooms, small stage, lack of bus parking, etc, etc, etc. Since many of these issues do not have practical solutions short of remodeling you could try and make up for it by being accomodating or at least showing a little effort towards making things happen. All the work I do in the course of a day and my performance onstage ultimately serves to make these people money (as is the case with everyone on the tour) but instead of trying to make it easy for us to get them rich, they go out of their way to be pains in the ass and make it more difficult for us to succeed (in making more money for them).   Enough of the bad, onto the good. San Diego is the first crowd I came remember that flashed tits for the house music. Literally as soon as we brought down the lights and started the house music playing a girl near the front took off her top. Her enthusiasm wasn't as contagious as we all would have liked but it was nice to see that the crowd came out to party, let loose, and have a good time. I got my laughs and had good time. Disturbed came back from the break strong, David's voice sounded good and hopefully will remain healthy.   I'd also like to sing the praises of pedialyte. My stomach had been 'odd' to put it politely for the last couple days and after throwing back a bottle of that stuff I felt renewed and a lot better. I have been successfully making gradual changes for better long term health and the goal of getting back to kind of shape I was in back when I passed my shodan exam (ten years ago in June). After this tour, since i have insurance again, I think its time for a full physical, dental visit, eye exam, etc.

 

2006/01/20 18:32 Second day at the San diego HOB went better, the show was a bit more nergetic too. The first show was all ages whereas last night was 21 and up. Apparently when EVERYONE is drunk nobody holds back. Some guy threw his cell phone onstage during Disturbed and later in the night when he saw me walking asked me about getting it. Here's a good general rule, don't throw anything you ever want to see again on stage at a show. That shit is usually quickly grabbed and thrown out by a tech, not to mention that fragile things like phones tend to break. I have no idea if he saw it again.   We are in Anaheim, tommorow I am doing an appearance for Peavey. Right now I am trying to find our phantom hotel which does not seem to exist where it claims.

 

2006/01/20 23:11 I found the hotel and got cleaned up. Now I am bored.   The appearance tommorow is only a 15 minute set followed by photos and giveaways which means it shouldn't be taxing at all, but its also kind of a mystery situation. I had never even heard of NAMM before being asked to be here and now I am part of one of the largest exhibitors displays. I'm just going to go in and do what I do and see what happens.

 

2006/01/22 18:16 The NAMM show for Peavey:   15 minutes turned into 20 but nobody minded that I went long. I have to say it felt really odd doing a 'clean' set. I didn't just have to change words but entire jokes, mainly cutting pieces because they wouldn't fit with the PG request. I changed skullfuck into skull-love at one point and I think most of the laughs were because people knew what I wanted to say instead of the joke itself. In the end, it was a decent set that went over well but it just didn't feel right altering my material. Afterwards I signed photos and took pictures for nearly two hours - we ran out of the photos peavey printed but people kept coming, that always feels good. Ran into a lot of people throughout the day including the guys from Chimaira, Kerry King, and Paul Booth. I also almost got run over by Gene Simmons entourage. I love how some stars have to come with big security and overblown presence but guys like Kerry just walk through like human beings. Hit a few parties afterwards but mainly just hung out chatting with Kerry & Paul at the house of blues.   We have a show tonight in the anaheim H.O.B. in the realm of the rat.

 

2006/01/23 14:26 Last night's show went well - its always nice to see the guy who starts out flipping you off and yelling 'play some music' turn into a cheering fan by the end of the night. That's the thing about hosting a rock tour, when you first go out everybody sees you as an obstacle to be overcome before the bands play but if you hit them with some good stuff from the beginning and make sure they understand you are there for them and giving them something to do besides stare at an empty stage the will come around. I know a lot of people think they can just jump up on stage and do some silly shit but there is psychology, work, and planning involved. There is a reason I can not only survive but thrive for 20 minutes in front of a crowd that otherwise only wants the headliner to take the stage.   This tour still has a month to go on it but I have other gigs coming in that I have to work on. Tattoo conventions are contacting me, there is a show at south by southwest, and it does look like there will be another jager tour before summer. I can't and won't complain about being in demand and having work but I am feeling a little frantic trying to get some time for myself. We have the day off in LA again at the Hyatt on sunset, I am hoping to maybe hit the comedy store next door again.

 

2006/01/24 13:05 Weaver and I did hit the comedy store last night, it was another pot luck open mic, followed by some of their regulars, and then some celebrity surprises. Andrew Dice Clay was there again and did another really good set. We sat up front this time and as a result a number of the performers spotted and commented on me. I don't mind - considering I have to hear from people everyday who think they are funny, it was nice to hear some jabs from people who actually can be funny. None of them were particularly innovative with their comments but it was all in good fun and I enjoyed myself. Towards the end of the night I actually got pulled up on stage by the late night host and then people in the crowd recognized me and wanted pictures, etc. The funny part for me was when the performers started to get a sense of who I was and what I do. I never expect anyone to recognize me thus my standard denial that I am a celebrity. I did overhear some of them in the back talking about me and giving me a good deal of respect, that's nice. Being that we are in LA the show guest lists are flooded with industry people and other allegedly important guests but I am hoping we will get a few of them in the show over the next two nights so they can get a taste of my work.

 

2006/01/25 03:32 Brief synopsis of the first night in LA:   Best LA crowd in years, lots of laughs & lots of appreciation. People actually came on time. Comedians in the crowd were really respectful and appreciative of my act.   Dan Ackroyd approached me and commented positively on the show afterwards in the foundation room.   Eddie or Alex (not sure which) Van Halen was in attendence.   I missed seeing and meeting Dane Cook due to Mossie getting chemically incapacitated but the above makes up for it, I think.

 

2006/01/26 16:38 Second LA show was good, I think the first night's crowd was a little bit better but really its splitting hairs. Over the course of both nights I tested some new material and it went over well. I also worked on taking some of my material and figuring out how to set it up without the stunts, I am getting to the point where I think I could do a really solid set without any stunts. Of course, I don't really want to stop doing the stunts - I love them and I will always do them but in terms of career and expanding my audience it is going to be necessary to be able work without them.   We rolled right after the show for Vegas and I am currently sitting on the bus in the Mandalay Bay parking lot after a very nice shower. Tonight Jimi, Weaver, and I are going to go see Penn & Teller. This basically means that short of being maimed nothing could put a down turn on my day. I really dig P&T.   In terms of getting maimed, Adam did drop off a jager skateboard for me in LA and I have never skateboarded. Perhaps I'll see if I can get hurt on it here in the lot.

 

2006/01/28 15:16 Penn & Teller were excllent as always. I never got around to trying to kill myself on a skateboard.   The show last night was another huge success. I did a radio spot for KOMP in the morning which left me dragging a bit through the afternoon. We opened the night with an onstage proposal (by a friend from ohio to his girl) and then it was business as usual. Lots of energy in the crowd. After the show it was time for the regular Vegas pilgrimage to Red Square where our party drank them out of Jagermeister in the ice locker. At some point Scott lost his phone but it turned out Kyle from Blood Simple had it - apparently he had had enough alcohol that he wandered off while Kyle was talking on it and then forgot. Heh.   Tonight is round 2. Oddly enough I haven't gambled yet.

 

2006/01/29 15:31 Something I forgot to mention about our party at Red Square after the first night, I ran into Carrot Top. I was a little drunk but we talked for awhile, he seemed pretty cool. I'm still not running out to buy tickets for his show but I enjoyed meeting him.   Last night I did gavage by request and it was interesting to see the difference it has on the crowd since I mainly cut out jokes to make space for it. The reaction was still really good and I would call it a good night but the compliments and comments are much different. For myself, I like making people laugh more. I don't think I'll be doing it again on this tour.   After the show some of us went to Red Square again - they put in a huge stock of Jager in fear of our return but it was very low-key. I was going to stop by the foundation room afterwards because I told some people I would but the security wouldn't allow me in wearing shorts despite it being our after party. Since the guy was a dick about it and I had had a couple drinks I decided to suggest he perform some physically impossible sex acts upon himself and then leave. Dress codes are bullshit, it's not as if since the fabric of my pants only going down to my knees instead of my ankles is a horrible danger or offense. I still like the Vegas House of Blues but if something bad happens at their foundation room I won't be shedding a tear, I'll also be sure to have an alibi - bitches.   I still haven't hit a table, perhaps I'll play a little after I get showered.

 

2006/01/30 14:52 I did so close to nothing yesterday I may have set a record. And for the record, I did leave Vegas without gambling - not that this was some sort of exercise in will power rather it is was basically an oversight combined with laziness. Yep, I was too lazy to walk from the bus to go gamble.   We are in Albuqurque setting up currently. Should be getting to see some cool people tonight. Tommorrow it is on to Denver and then we'll be bound for Texas!!!

 

2006/01/31 17:13 I think last night's crowd topped out at a little more than 4000 people which is great but they had to stand on a level floor in a convention center style room which is not so great. This effectively take the back of the room out of the show and I could feel the difference in the energy and the responses. I suppose i was due for a plateau or dip anyway though with so many nights of ever better crowd reaction. It was still a good night but the difference was there and it wasn't a step up. On the bright side I apparently really infuriated a fat girl with one of my jokes and responding to that gave me a slew of new material I am working in for tonight.   Jimi and Mossy got ripped last night and stayed up playing galaga on the xbox till around 3am - I believe Mossy managed to win some money back off his marker. I turned in early, I have been feeling tired and a little sore. We are in Denver today, the Fillmore here is usually pretty good to me so I am looking forward to it.   Also, Fuck Y'All, Tommorrow I'll be in Texas!! And that means it's all gonna be alright.

 

2006/02/01 15:43 Croseed over into Texas a little while ago, still awhile till we get to Dallas. I am on the bus using my phone as a modem for my laptop while laying in my bunk. If I felt like waxing poetic I would do so over the joys of modern technology at the moment.   Instead I will clarify my joy over being in Texas. I am not a geographic person - in fact, I hate people who identify themselves with shit that has little or nothing to do with them; like the place they happen to live on a map. I am a deeply loyal person but my loyalty cannot and will not ever lie with imaginary lines or impersonal gestalts. Texas is a fiction, it does not love, it cannot love, and thusly I do not love it. At best it is a good reference for an area in which I find many people who I do love and places at which I regularly have a good time. Move my friends and family elsewhere and Texas would be nothing to me.   Last night in Denver was really good. The crowds there have always been decent to me and the Fillmore there has good catering and is much easier to deal with than the one in San Francisco.

 

2006/02/03 15:30 Dallas was fantastic, lots of great things.   I did probably one my best suspensions ever (the crane in Corpus is the only one I can think of that was better) during blood simple's set. Amazing fun, swinging and drinking over them for their set. Allen has some pics on his page and there were a ton of cameras shooting it so video and more pics will surely surface soon. The nokia venue was nothing but cool and accomodating and was large enough that I got my own dressing room which is always nice.   After the suspension I came down and did a solid 15 minutes which went over really well and got shot by two video cameras (thanks Brion & Justin) so I'll have it soon for promo material - I have a college tour booker and a comedy club booker looking to work with me so this perfectly timed. And I saw Stacey's boobs ;)   Vinnie Paul came by and sat in during Disturbed's set to play Walk. After the show the partying was constant and all over the place.   This could easily be the best night of the tour.

 

 

2006/02/05 16:04 Here we go:   Houston - Always enjoyed this venue, well laid out and easy to deal with the production end of things. The show itself went really well and I feel really good about the reaction(s) I got.   San Antonio - Sunset Station doesn't have the free video games it used to in the production room but that's ok since Meghan came down to see me. I was pretty much preoccupied with her the whole time. Still had good sets onstage but as soon I introduced Disturbed it was in the car and headed home for Austin.

 

2006/02/06 18:02 Back on the tour, tonight we are in McAllen, TX. We have a long drive to Florida after the show. The day home really rejuvenated me, I feel good but I also can't wait to be back for more than just a day. I got some good news regarding the next tour, things I have been pushing for are looking good.   I switched to Renu for my contacts because I was out of solution and there was an unexplained shortage of Aosept everywhere I went to get more. Renu is basically a one step process amd convenient but I did have a moment of hesitation putting my contacts in this morning, changing the chemicals on something you put in your eye can give you a pause when its been the same for nearly two decades.   I picked up Fable the lost chapters for the xbox while I was home and just started playing it today. It should make for a good time killer on our drives along with the two belated xmas gifts (books) from Meghan's mom that were also waiting for me at home.

 

2006/02/07 15:14 McAllen was a mix.   The venue is essentially just a steel warehouse building with just enough work done to make it into a concert venue. From a logistics and production point of view this is fairly easy to work with but from a crowd and sound point of view it presents some challenges. There is essentially no security provided so the parking area becomes a mess of people. The fans are really intense, very often crossing the line from great to too intense and a little scary. I loved playing for that crowd but I'd really like to see a number of issues addressed before going back.   It was a two bra night - I got two bras thrown onstage during one of my sets. A bra is pretty much the only thing other than dollar bills that I can see taking as a compliment when thrown at me onstage.   Rob, our bus driver, was feeling a bit run down so we are spending today in Houston instead of hauling ass for Florida. We will roll out of here tonight to go the rest of the way.   Last night, I tore through Marc Hartzman's book, American Sideshow - it's a nice encyclopedia of performers past and present. Very worthwhile. I did a thing with Marc for his zine Backwash and he includes me in the book. My only real complaint is that while he was left with little more than the hype and press for perfomers long past (which he readily acknowledges) when he does his pieces on modern performers in the book many are slanted and read like press releases. I'm not sure if he was afraid of offending or just doing favors in some cases but he could have easily probed further and gotten more objective information portraying greater depth.

 

 

2006/02/08 14:06 In Pensacola, this should be a big show - possibly the largest of the tour in terms of crowd. The civic center here is the biggest room we will play and tonight could see around 8,000 or more in attendance. We have done more than that in some cities over multiple nights but this will be all at once. The feeling of big crowds is incredible, I have had moments with 20 thousand or more and its hard to even describe. The room is pretty well setup to handle it too so everyone should get a good view of the stunts.

 

2006/02/09 13:22 At the Tampa Hard Rock Hotel & Casino for a day off.   Last night was good as I expected, but somehow I felt a little bit off. Even though it all went well and the response was what I hoped for I still have a weird nagging feeling that something isn't quite right with the sets - perhaps I am just over-analyzing again.   During the day I tried skateboarding again and took my first fall off it - nothing to bad, the old martial arts training kicked and I did a better back fall than I would have expected of myself. Later I had a small trip and scraped my knee a little, barely noticeable but its my first official skateboard injury.   They guys in Blood Simple bought us a sandwich maker for our bus - not only do they rock as a band, they're great guys. Do something good for them and yourself, pick up their album.

 

2006/02/09 18:42 Played some shuffleboard and horshoes by the pool. A fairly lazy day - I am doing some writing and playing video games currently. Later on tonight I'll probably read a few chapters in one of the books I got from Meghan's mom while home this past Sunday. I also want to go over my show notes looking for adjustments, we've got two in a row here in Tampa starting tommorow.

 

2006/02/10 17:08 Jannus Landing (Tampa) is the epitome of everything a venue shouldn't be, that's the nicest thing I can say about this place. The crowd better be good or this will easily be the low point of the tour thus far and by far. Took another fall skateboarding yesterday, this time forward and I foolishly stuck my hand out instead of rolling like I should have resulting in a mildly bruised palm which is already nearly unnoticeable today. Skateboarding is filling the time nicely (even if I really suck) and I am enjoying the exercise. I look forward to running again when I get home - I just hope my workout bug doesn't fade over the next two weeks before I get home.   I did a video interview for a student doing their thesis on sideshow today, nice guy I hope it works out well for him.

 

2006/02/11 12:35   Well, the crowd last night was a bit lackluster - the bands weren't pleased. I thought it was ok but it was a lot of work to wake them up and then they would go back to sleep. As craptastic as everything was many of us decided to say the hell with it and get fucked up, I was particularly successful. Now to pick up the pieces and count the unexplained bruises.

 

2006/02/11 16:57 This place continues to suck. It is raining and there is little effective shelter. But best of all some useless dickhead fucked with our shit stored there. I can replace and fix it pretty easily but it still sucks.

 

2006/02/12 13:34 The only good thing I can say about Jannus Landing is that the crowd last night was more lively than the one from the first night. Due to the previously mentioned asshole fucking with our gear Dr Grift was unable to do the bottle lift so I substituted with the straightjacket and some additional material I had written for the condom.   I was set to turn in early but Kyle and Timmy from Blood Simple came over to the bus and the dice came out, I turned a five into a twenty so I guess it was worth staying up.

 

2006/02/13 15:49 Why is Florida so damn cold right now? I had to sleep in sweats last night and I couldn't enjoy being outside at all. People caught in the blizzard probably won't sympathize but I don't care - I did my time in the cold and snow (29 years).   I'm in the belly of the rat-beast today and tommorow: Disney. And I am in that further subset of this belly known as the house of blues, however this one seems to be pretty cool thus far. TJ from submersed (who played on the spring 05 tour) is here part-timing while they work on a new album

 

2006/02/14 15:54 For most people it would probably an indication of a serious problem if they constantly woke up not knowing where they were - for me it is the most normal state of affairs. There is no time or place inside a tour bus bunk, it is alwaays the same and since the bus often moves while you sleep all you know for sure is that you are in the bunk. Last night a lot of people decided to party and party on our bus apparently. I went to my bunk early and almost every noise I heard made me believe I had done the right thing. This morning's stories and damage only reinforce that belief.   The show went really well, that nagging about something being off was shaken. I switched sword swallowing into the line up and even though my pitch for it was a bit off from lack of performing it, I still got some good laughs out of it.   This house of blues has been astoundingly easy to deal with but the catering is pretty subpar - which is odd given that I know the restaraunt has decent food, it's just not getting to us in the music hall. On the upside, we are getting a bunch of pizzas from Wolfgang Puck's tonight in trade for some spots on the guestlist.

 

2006/02/15 18:01 The show last night was great, I had a really good set - I got on a roll with the condom and went so long I didn't even get around to swallowing the sword before Disturbed. The pizzas afterward were not all that great though - free is nice but with food it is not necessarily enough. Free crap is still crap. There was some good partying up in the dressing room afterward as well.   I'm at a mall hotel for the day off, picked up a game (Tenchu) and I am hammering out some emails - mainly booking details for shows after this tour.

 

 

2006/02/17 12:34 Miami, well pompano beech, last night and it went well. Got to see inguswetrust and dindin from here on IAM. Crowd reaction was strong and I had a really severe fainter. I'm not really going for fainting with my current set but I guess a drill in the nose has that power even if it is preceeded and followed by a bunch of jokes. Talking with the paramedics later it turns out the guy's friends didn't help at all and it was a stranger who was nice enough to pick him up and drag him off to be helped. Better than the fainter for me was the guy who started out flipping me off and yelling 'you suck' who eventually was cheering, laughing, and asking for my autograph. It's nice to know that I can take your typical idiot who doesn't realize the band isn't coming on for fifteen more minutes regardless of if I am there or not and turn him into a fan with a couple stunts and some stand-up.   We rolled early after the show to make the ten plus hour drive to Atlanta which is where I find myself now with a day off.

 

2006/02/18 13:53 On the bus in Atlanta, enjoying some pizza courtesy of the amazing and wonderful Jen Knueppel. I jus twish it wasn't cold and fucking raining here. Still we're at the Tabernacle which holds a good precedent for me with shows, things usually go well here and a good time is almost a lock.

 

2006/02/19 12:55 A good night in Atlanta last night. I don't want to take it for granted but I usually do get a good response and have fun there. Corey Lowry and Eric Rogers (both formerly of Stereomud) dropped in and partied with us after the show. The festivities were quite good actually, lots of fun. We're in Myrtle Beach today and that means a trip to the gator farm!!

 

2006/02/20 15:09 Another note on Atlanta - apparently I got bras thrown at me again but the got caught on the backside of the monitors and I didn't know until the techs told me afterwards.   The gator adventure was fun as always yesterday - I got Meghan a plastic river otter toy which the ferrets will likely steal at the first chance. The show went well, the fans in Myrtle Beach are very appreciative and hung out in the cold forever to get things signed. My fingers were getting numb by the end of the line outside the buses. We're spending another day here before moving on to Kentucky. Three days off - let the bus craziness begin. The nearby Hard Rock hooked up a very nice comp lunch for us all today - THANKS!!!

 

 

2006/02/21 12:09 The weather here is still pretty subpar but I'm enjoying the days off anyway. It doesn't hurt that the local rep brought me a ton of fresh fruit when she got lunch for everyone a couple days ago - I am enjoying soy milk and pineapple chunks right now.   Today I am going to send in the latest Q & A column to Shannon ( I sort of of feel bad knowing I am contributing his workload by backlogging him with articles) and then I'll try to get some other work done.   Last night I caught the movie Freaked which I had previously noticed in a dvd discount bin. It's a b movie at best but I enjoyed it, it had some fun moments. I'm not going to run out and buy it but if you see it on tv, give it a chance or rent it some time when you are in the mood for something light.

 

2006/02/22 13:42 After a few days in Myrtle Beach we have moved on to Louisville. Tommorow is our second to last show but tonight is our end of tour party. We are starting out at a bowling alley - I see a Lewboski styled evening ahead with plenty of white russians. The weather here is about as poor as it was in back in SC. We are parked in a classy part town - surrounded by pawn and porn shops.   There was just a fender bender right outside the bus. A few moments diversion for my attention.   How obvious is it that I am ready to go home? I actually despise days off toward the end of a tour. I either want to be onstage or at home.

 

2006/02/23 12:49 The party last night was pretty good. We started out bowling and then went to a bar right across the street. Wevaer got a bottle of wine in him before we even left the hotel. While bowling we all drank white russians (The Big Lewbowski) and it turned into a drunk fest fairly quickly - I had two interceptions, yes interceptions in bowling. I guess I could call them steals as well (sneaking up and snatching the ball out of the persons hand on the backswing as they prepared to roll). Predictably, the bar was fun but also a bit of a mess. There were dice games on the floor, drunken dancing with lots of falling, glass biting, dumb tricks with cigarettes, and more. At some point I decided to walk back to the hotel, which was an interesting move since we took a shuttle and I had no real idea where I was going. Through good fate I made it back though and then tried to hop the fence around the parking lot instead of walking an extra 20 feet to the gate. This resulted in me being stuck on the fence on my stomach - Scott had to actually lift me to help get me off. I have a nice bruise and scrape from that brilliant maneuver.   Today we are playing in Louisville at Jillians - its a low small stage in a small room but the people seem cool and we'll make it fun.

 

 

2006/02/24 12:25 Last night was fun - venue layout issues aside it was a very decent night. Most of us took it easy on the partying but Jimi did put forth another solid effort which entertained us all at the end of the night. The crowd was cool and very into the show.   Tonight = LAST SHOW!! I am about 27 hours away from from being home.

 

2006/02/25 18:01 I am home.   Last night went as well asa last night can go - as ready as I was to get home leaving a good crew after a fun tour can be rough. We all partied and said our goodbyes. The pranking was minimal but the hardcore bunny did make an appearance during Blood Simple's set.   We got a short rest at a hotel in Indy and then flew home today - there were some delays but all's well that gets me to my destination. The rest of today is for playing with Meghan and ferrets.

 

 

More photos from leg 2