The 2003 Jagermeister Music tour featured Saliva and HedPE) as the co-headliners with guests breaking benjamin, stereomud, and systematic. Additionally, a local jager band opened each show and I served as MC and performed various sideshow acts during the set changes. Scott and I travelled on the Jager crew bus - one ofthe nicer tour buses I have had the pleasure of calling home (two bathrooms and a shower onboard). The tour was great fun and a success all around.

Below I have transcribed my daily notes from my tour book and posted some pictures. Enjoy.

3/5/2003

Scott & I drove dow to Philly from Albany. Everyone was staying at the Embassy Suites. After we checked in, we enjoyed the hotel's complimentary cocktail hour. This was just the warm-up. That night, jagermeister threw a party for everyone at Dave & Busters. From there we formed up a small party for some bar hopping that involved Tattooed Moms and at least a couple other places. As you can probably guess, I got pretty drunk. So, drunk, in fact, that I later woke up in the hotel room not sure where I was and the following day had to explain a lot of rambling cell phones from the night before. I also lost most of our party somewhere along the line - but fortunately my friend Jill (who had been part of the BME film crew in the UK the month before) was there to get me back to the hotel.

3/6/2003

First show - The Electric Factory - Philadelphia, PA

Once we were up and recovered form the festivities it was time to head over to the venue. We grabbed a cab and stuffed it with our gear. Shortly after arriving we met John, got our bus keys, and grabbed our bunks.

The show itself went pretty well. The opening band was Wolfpack. We took a volunteer up from the crowd for the raccoon trap and hand smash. She also happily obliged the corwds 'show us your tits' chant. Despite her kind display, a few people did try to heckle me. No problem though, the crowd enjoyed me making fun of them almost as much as the free nudity.

 My bunk

3/7/2003

Roseland - NYC,NY

Normally a NYC show means no buses - you and thegear get unloaded and the buses park elsewhere. Happily though, somehow we got to keep the bus closeby parked on the street. An old rugby friend (Tiny) and some his buddies (Carlos and crew) made it out to the show for support. Everything wnet well except for a small accident with the gavage - the tube disconnected and I got sprayed with my own stomach contents. Didn't really hurt the act much but it was a pain to clean up.

After the show I met Josey (from Saliva) backstage for the first time. He walked up to me and said, "You haven't talked to me this whole tour. What's Up?" [remember it was the only the second day and I only missed him the first night because it was so hectic with the usual first night stuff] We chatted a bit and I went looking for a laundry for my hosed down shorts.

3/8/2003

Nation - Washington, DC

Jill and her friend Heather came to see the show again since they missed some of my acts in Philly. Also in attendance were James and Kathleen from Shocked & Amazed. Spent most of my night (when not onstage) hanging out with them and talking sideshow.

3/9/2003

Avalon - Boston, MA

The avalon is an interesting venue - I had been there once before with friends. But not for a show, its usually a dance club. Nice thing is they had poles in our backstage area - and if there is gonna be a pole, there better be a pole dancer! I put the order in and soon enough there was a girl on a pole. If that doesn't make the point well enough - yes, the staff there is very cool and helpful with whatever you need.

Ses Carny and his wife Kim came out to see us perform - always nice to see some other sideshow folk.

The crowd was pretty easy to work. We caused some fainting with the gavage.

 Pole Dancing.

3/10/2003

Travel Day

All day on the bus except for one short stop to grab some more Jager gear.

3/11/2003

Day Off in Charleston, SC

Through a hook up of Jimmy's we stayed at the Wild Dunes. This is not the sort of place you tend to find a traveling freak. As one woman we talked to put it, "I'm surprised they let you in" She wasn't being mean, just stating the obvious. Then again they didn't see me, they saw the bus I was in - which costs more than many people's homes.

We got in at 5am. I crashed, took care of email, bills and such. Then, we wandered about the resort and checked out the beach.

3/12/2003

Music Farm - Charleston, SC

This is a very small venue with no backstage. So, the overcrowding issues of six bands on one stage were only pushed further. However, there were positives. The first was the Planet Smoothie nearby - we went twice. I love smoothies. Second - the crowd. The people there for the show were fantastic.

I did catch myself with the drill - it happens now and then. Had to pack my nose with some tissue to stop the bleeding (alcohol thins your blood) but I was fine.

Ended up getting pretty drunk too. The lack of space meant some of the set changes went long and since I had already done my acts, I just started talking with the crowd and drinking. When my bottle of jager went dry, people in the crowd started giving me their drinks and I chugged them. It went over really well but I got tipsy.

3/13/2003

The Roxy - Atlanta, GA

The crowd was kind of lukewarm and even a little hostile. I ended up doing a lot of heckler put downs.

Backstage things were better. Stereomud broke out the BBQ and Paul (Saliva's drummer) and I enjoyed a little bud

3/14/2003

Hard Rock - Orlando

I love this Hard Rock. I'd played here once before and Orlando is like a second home since I have been here for a month or more for the last three years. I got to see Shan and her husband (who was working security at the show) and Tyler from last year's HHN.

The crowd was really good and helped me get back into it after the previous night.

Our bus turned into a small party after the show.

3/15/2003

Backstage@Coral Sky Amphitheatre - West Palm Beach, FL

When we got off the bus and looked at the venue, all we could say was how gorgeous it was. But, we weere a bit off. We were actually playing the backstage aka the loading dock and the crowd would be on the asphalt not in all those nice terraced seats on the other side. Not surprisingly given their location, the crowd warmed up a bit slow but did get into.

Silohuettes Showgirls sent over a 30ft escalade limo full of girls and after the show a bunch of us piled in and went over to enjoy their vip.

Before we left the venue that night we did a 'blow & go' - dropped a light quarter stick of TNT out the bus a peeled away.

3/16/2003

Masquerade - Tampa, FL

AKA The Swamp. The recent rainstorms had not helped this venue at all. I had been here before and knew it would cramped, but it was also slightly flooded and stinky. The toilets were nothing you wanted to dare and there was no shower.

Despite all this, the Rev. Meat (who I know from the Bubba the Love Sponge show) was there takign care of our needs and we still managed to get a good show off.

3/17/2003

Day Off in Panama City, FL

Did some laundry, went to a mall during the day. That night we went to Le Vela and then Show 'n Tail (a strip club, obviously) where they were playing Stereomud's new single. Quote Eric, 'There's nothing like going into a club and seeing dozens of naked women dancing to your band'

Once we were back at the hotel, a few of us hit the hot tub - only to be kicked out by the staff. So from there we went to the beach.

3/18/2003

Club La Vela - Panama City, FL

During the day before the show, I almost managed to ampuatet my thumb by closing it in the bus door - not good.

The show was good though, with a crowd from all over the US. One scary moment during Hed (PE) 's show though when a girl had a seizure.

We did the darts a bit different, had Scott start doing the talk during the act.

Jager Rob scored a case of Trojan condoms for our bus, trading with the on beach vendor/ad tents. The man is a legend.

3/19/2003

Tipitinas - New Orleans, LA

Very small venue - the backstage was the sidewalk and alley behind the club.

The crowd was enthusiastic - lots of hard moshing.

It's always nice to be recognized for what you contribute - Hed(PE) mentioned me during their set.

3/20/2003

Verizon Wireless Theater - Houston, TX

The pendulum swings the other way. Big venue with lots of room eveyrwhere. They also have great showers - I can forgive almost anything if there's a decent shower.

Some of the security remembered me from the last time I played there on the godsmack voodoo tour. The crowd seemedto know me from my times in Houston as well, I got really good responses.

The downside was that we couldn't drink onstage due to Texas liquor laws - we made up for it backstage.

3/21/2003

Canyon Club - Dallas, TX

Rude Awakening. I was asleep in my bunk when Evil Jarred tried to jump into his bunk on the other side of the bus. Somehow he managed to kick me in the face. I woke up to a shoe hitting my nose through the curtain andthe sound my crunching nasal cartiledge. It was a bloody mess.

There was a lot of backstage buzz about a list - turned out ot be a blowjob list for a girl coming to the show nicknamed 'man hands' Apparently she could teach Hoover a thing or two. I did not get on the list, but the reviews were positive.

Thanks to some screw ups by the local sound guys Stereomud went on 25 minutes late. Systematic was 50 minutes late. Drowning pool visited the show and even got onstage with Stereomud for a couple songs.

I didn't do the gavage. Instead, I had my friends Allen and Masuimi come to the show and I did a suspension, culminating with lifting Masuimi and swinging over the crowd.

3/22/2003

Sunset Station - San Antonio, TX

This is a partially covered outdoor venue - so, of course, it rained. To one side of the stage is an arcade which was set up for production and they put all the machines on free play. Normally this would have been enough to keep me occupied but Meghan and Shani came to visit me and Scott - so there were other things to do.

My friend Xeon came down as well and got onstage to do a hook lift - a cinder block from his chest.

We were scheduled to drive that night out to el paso but Stereomud let us hop on their bus, so we got to go to austin for the next day.

3/23/2003

Day Off in Austin, TX

Enjoyed being home. Played with the ferrets, slept in my own bed, being with Meghan.

We all went to the show at Stubbs - was fun to see the bands from the crowd. After dinner at Casinos Scott and I hopped on Stereomud's bus and rode with them to El Paso.

3/24/2003

Woke up at 8:30am (unheard of on tour) when the bus pulled into the hotel parking lot. Scott and I grabbed our stuff and got a cab over to the hotel our bus was at. After a shower it was lunch at a mall (signed some autographs there) and then to a Casino. It was a slots only joint but at one point I was up double before I lost it all (never listen to Scott and Evil Jarred in a casino). The rest of the day was pretty much drinking and tv on the bus.

3/25/2003

Building E - El Paso, TX

We never saw building e - the promoters changed the venue; to a parking lot. They had a crappy 2x4 and plywood stage outdoors in a parking lot that probably would have collapsed with anyone on it. After an hour or so, it was announced:

SHOW CANCELLED

So, we got on the buses and went on to Albuquerque. we got there in time to go see The Used and get a decent calzone dinner.

3/26/2003

Sunshine Theatre - Albuquerque, NM

Really good crowd response. Everything went really well, even though the gavage was slightly clogged by a basil leaf (pizza lunch).

We alomst left Scott behind. He was hanging out with people after the show and missed bus call - but the parking spot was so tight it took John long enough to get out of it that he made it back in time.

3/27/2003

Nita's Hideawy - Tempe, AZ

They have a windmill here. I got off the bus and was like, 'Oh yeah, I'm climbing the windmill.' Well, I just barely got off the gorund and I relaized it wasn't very sturdy and it had alot of exposed nails - so, I used my better judgement and got down.

The I did a bunch of shots on the bus in addition to my onstage drinking. I got off the bus and said to Adam(Systematic) "wanna do somehting stupid?". He said 'sure' but almost immediately turned away when he saw what I meant.

I climbed the windmill - to the top.

3/28/2003

House of Blues - Los Angeles, CA

Many people wondered about my condition this morning after my drunken night. I was fine - I got up, threw up, and showered. No problem.

The venue was small for the show (nothing new there) and I literally used a closet as a dressing room / prep area.

Lots of guests hopped on the bus for trip to Vegas the next night.

3/29/2003

House of Blues - Las Vegas, NV

I LOVE THIS VENUE. I really love Las Vegas to begin with and I have played here a couple times. The staff is always cool (they always get my stuff right), the backstage is nice, and its in Mandalay Bay Casino.

The condom took me two attempts to get right but the crowd didn't mind

3/30/2003

Canes - San Diego

The bus had to park a ways away from the venue here. No one told me when they were going to move it though - so I got a rolling shower. I was lathering up when the engine kicked on and I heard 'We're moving!'.

The room was no-alcohol - WTF!! Didn't surprise me that the crowd was lukewarm having to walk to another room to drink.

Stereomud shot for their next video and at one point Jahred (Hed(PE)) called the security guards Nazis as they ejected a kid for moshing.

3/31/2003

Day Off in Los Angeles, CA

Laundry. Shower & Shave. Email. Grocery shopping for the bus. Watch movies on the bus. 11:30pm leave for Sacramento.

4/1/2003

Another show that should have been cancelled (almost was) - in my opinion.

The venue was formerly a movie theatre - and all the chairs were still there. There was no backstage area for gear and the alleged 'lighting rig' was made of pvc pipe. There also wasn't a barricade - they used road cases instead. However, the security were also the stage hands so when a fight broke out during a set change there was no one to deal with it. It was also a no alcohol room again.

All of this meant that the set changes were very rough and I barely ended up onstage at all.

Saliva didn't play this date - lucky for them.

4/2/2003

The Fillmore - San Francisco, CA

It's history - it's the fillmore. You don't get any of your rider stuff - it's the fillmore.

This is a pretty cool venue though.

Stereomud dedicated 'Anything but Jesus' to me and I got to smash the Jager Ice luge after the show.

4/3/2003

Travel Day

We stopped in Roseburg, Oregon on the way to Seattle to avoid an overdive. An overdirve is when the driver pases a certain mileage in a 24 hour period and you have to pay him more. We parked in the garden valley shopping center. The hotel pool had ducks swimming in it. I went to the dollar store and juggled their toilet plungers. Jimmy, Scott, and I had a nice dinner at Oregon pizza & grinders.

4/4/2003

The Showbox - Seattle, WA

The bus was parked away for the day. No local opener band freed up some space. Alcohol laws worse than anywhere elese yet - no booze onstage or gear give-aways. Before the show I did a photoshoot with photographer from Canada.

I did get some nice Chai Tea from Seattles Best though

4/5/2003

Crystal Ballroom - Portland, OR

This place has a spring loaded floor - literally. They also split the room with a barricade into drinking and non-drinking. Fun to watch the two sides different responses. I got a girl to puke during the gavage (on the non-drinking side) and then she applauded (and smiled for this picture). I also got to see many breasts - most of one of my sets was simply pointing out girls who had decided to take their tops off - VIVA PORTLAND!

4/6/2003

The Big Easy - Boise, ID

We got stuck on the way to Boise due to a mountain pass being blocked by snow. Only Hed(PE) and Steromud gfot through before the closing. When the pass re-opened we took off and got to Boise at 6pm for a 6:30pm show start. Despite this, the show went on with a new start time of 8:20. The opener was cut and Breaking Benjamin and Hed(PE) cut ther sets to let Stereomud and Systematic play. I only did intors (no acts) till Saliva when we did a short set of darts, blockhead, and condom.

4/7/2003

Travel Day

The Salt Lake City show had been cancelled in advance so we drove partway to Colorado with a stop in Rock Springs, WY. Caught up on email, watched wrestling, walked over Pizza Hut for dinner. Spent awhile playing Playboy Pinball in the hotel gameroom (it actually reveals a centerfold)

4/8/2003

The Gothic - Englewood, CO

Went to Walgreens for snacks & new toothbrush and Starbucks for Chai. The snowbunny incident occurred.

Some girl in the balcony showed her boobs and set off a chain reaction of tops getting lifted throughout the crowd.

Jimmy got hammered.

4/9/2003

Day Off in Kansas City, MO

Shower. Email. Accounting. Arrange post-tour travel home. Wander. Pizza Hut for dinner. Watch Cops (old episode filmed here). Go see a lame Miss Nude contest. Jager Rob buys some new porn for the bus.

4/10/2003

Uptown Theatre - Kansas City, MO

The bus toilet is fucked up - someone dropped a baby wipe in it. Tour bus toilets = nothing solid. John is rightfully pissed off and has to spend all day fixing it.

Stereomud breaks out the BBQ again.

During the show someone throws me up their sunglasses. Jahred (Hed(PE)) starts singing with Breaking Benjamin on sugarcoat.

4/11/2003

The Pageant - St. Louis, MO

Nice venue with lots of dressing rooms and showers - and free pinball backstage!

Crowd is really into the show. Multiple people faint and puke during my sets - including one girl who also puked at a previous show.

4/12/2003

The Rave - Milwaukee, WI

Venue is near the Ambassador hotel made famous by Dahmer. It is also the last place Buddy Holly played before his death and supposedly one of the most haunted places in the world.

Ghost or not, the power went out during Saliva's set so we made an extra trip to the stage to entertain people while they fixed it. Another host of fainters and pukers.

After the show, the venue staff hooked me up with some beer and a tour including the roof

4/13/2003

The Quest - Minneapolis, MN

Due to an early start time because of the local curfew I only got to eat a granola bar - gavage necessiatate not eating solid food for hours beforehand. But, Corey (Steromud) and I did hit starbucks.

Adam (Systematic) came out and drank from the gavage.

Saliva gave me a huge onstage shout out.

4/14/2003

Day Off in Indianapolis, IN

Dropped off at hotel - bus parks at venue. Shower,email, etc. Walk to the bus. Lunch at nearby bar. Stay on the bus for the night.

4/15/2003

Ivan (Tour Manager) is sent home. Jimmy takes over. Systematic misses showto be in LA for CD release party.

Midge, a dwarf with the local radio station, drinks from the gavage

4/16/2003

Newport Music Hall - Columbus, OH

Two trips to Starbucks before the show. Systematic returns, Breaking Benjamin doesn't play.

Pizza and Rice Crispy treats courtesy of Stereomud after the show.

4/17/2003

House of Blues - Chicago, IL

Lunch at the venue restaraunt. During the show two guys come onstage- one drinks from the gavage and then spits it into the other guys mouth.

The crowd is very lazy.

After the show a used condom is discovered in the back lounge of the bus. Attributed to Jager Rob, it is carefully relocated into his bunk.

4/18/2003

Metropol - Pittsburgh, PA

On the drive, Stereomud's trailer comes off their bus. Everything is ok but they miss the show. Better crowd, responds well.

Dedicated the gavage to Saliva's sound engineer Lori - who always refuses to watch it.

4/19/2003

Tower City Amphitheater - Cleveland, OH

Before the show we attempt a new stunt and I get a concussion as a result. That plsu some drinking results in an odd day. The show goes really well though. I nearly kill myself attempting a really long stage dive during Stereomud's set but fortunately a really big guy in the crowd breaks my fall. My friend Stigmata comes to the show to drink the gavage and afterwards we all go to a strip club and then the bar he works at.

4/20/2003

Clutch Cargos - Pontiac, MI

Off the bus and into the rental car. Because of the Easter holiday I had to get the cra early to have it to drive home. I follow the bus in the car to Michigan for the last show. Once we get in, I nap.

Breaking Benjamin don't play, went home after Cleveland.

The venue is an old church, everyone points out the irony of a rock show in a church on easter - I wore bunny ears.

We say our goodbyes and hit the road right after introducing Saliva to begin the drive back to NY which will be followed by the drive back to Texas.

4/21/2003

We arrive in NY. I return the rental car and then head to my parents to get my car. I leave for Texas and after about 50 hours in cars I arrive back Austin.